


Serendipity

by florelflowers



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Tumblr Prompt, also i may have dragged this on for too long, cartoonz is a single dad, ohm is the babysitter with issues, they fall in love anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 20:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13489113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florelflowers/pseuds/florelflowers
Summary: Based off the prompt: hot single dad hires a broke babysitter (with ohmtoonz of course because I love this pairing so much)





	Serendipity

If anyone were to ask Ryan at any point in time if he had his life together, his immediate reply would be ‘yes’. Maybe it would come across defensive, a bit harsh, but he would stick his ground in believing in that one word alone. The word that might come out shaky, paired with his unsure and furrowed eyebrows, but he wouldn’t waver from it-even if it was a total lie. 

He’s not entirely sure how he got to this point. His mom, and even old friends, would say it was an accumulation of poor money management and his indecisiveness about life and where he fits in that’s been growing since childhood. That fact still doesn’t stop him from pointing an accusing finger at the university he graduated from. Yell accusingly how they crippled him with all the student loans, and stress eating from fast food places he definitely couldn’t afford at the time. 

Naively he thought it would be fine- after graduation he would find a job as a writing editor for some top tier company. The type of position he’s been dreaming about since he first discovered his love of picking apart stories, dissecting it with a sort of love he hasn’t been able to find for anything else. After three years that hope has started to dissipate, along with the ridiculous belief that adulthood wouldn’t be so bad out in the real world, against the warnings from those older. 

They were right of course, but his stubbornness refuses to admit how he’s been wrong about everything. So he stays in a crappy apartment just outside the city, where crime is present at every corner, and the old building is ready to collapse and fall on him in his sleep at any moment. 

And then, through the help of his somewhat of a friend, the babysitting gig happens. It’s a spontaneous suggestion one night from Tyler, the cop he’s had to call on more than one occasion. Like when his car was broken into, or when he was robbed walking home from the corner store after having an ice cream craving, (he still remembers that encounter with a bitterness, when the man took off with twenty dollars  _ and  _ his ice cream). 

“This is getting out of hand!” Tyler had yelled, after Ryan had called and explained with a busted lip how someone had broken in, and though Ryan has never been in a fight in his entire life-he takes pride in claiming he’s the nonviolent type, he was quick to wrestle the invader to the ground. It didn’t matter in the end; the man escaped and left Ryan feeling sore and wishing for sleep.  

He nods, holding a bag of spoiled peas against the bright bruise forming on his cheek, “That’s what I said, when I woke up to someone trying to steal the few things I actually have.” 

It sounds a lot more disheartening than it really is. Ryan knows this by the way Tyler shakes his head, how he runs a hand through already messy hair, from the long shift Ryan can see he’s been on, given the tired eyes and exhausted breath of air that passes between his lips. 

“How do you live like this?” He asks, waving a hand around the small room that’s seen better days. Ryan frowns, noticing just how messy it’s gotten, helped by the burglar only a few hours earlier. “I mean, shit, Ryan, look at you, look at the neighborhood you live in. Don’t you want more than this?” 

It’s an absurd question. As if Ryan doesn’t think about that very thought every night when he’s too afraid to even sleep. He’s constantly trapped in those thoughts, stuck in a never ending cycle of forever wondering what it would be like to feel at peace, know what it’s like to have safety wrap protecting arms around him, and a life that will whisper he’s  _ right  _ and  _ this is where he’s meant to be. _ “Of course I do, I’d do whatever just to have some sort of security in my own damn home, but I can’t, not yet. I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but I’m quite literally stuck here until I start getting paid enough to finally leave.” 

“What if I help you? If I said I knew a job that pays more than what your cheap boss pays at that shithole of a gas station? Would you take it?” 

Instinctively he wants to scream out  _ no! I don’t need your help!  _ but it’s that type of defense mechanism he’s been trying to shake off for years, having it cause more trouble than anything else. And maybe it pains him, to nod, and whisper, “Yeah, need all the help I can get”. But the relief that floods Tyler’s face softens the invisible blow to his pride, because Tyler always means well, even if he does tend to yell and scorn Ryan for every life decision he’s made.

“Now hear me out, okay? I know it’s going to sound crazy, but some close friends of mine are looking for a babysitter this upcoming weekend for their trip out of town.” 

Ryan’s face must show all the disbelief he’s currently feeling. Before he can even yell at the cop for suggesting such an outlandish and  _ idiotic _ offer, Tyler’s arms are out and he’s rushing to explain. “Just listen! I know when I say babysitting it sounds like something a teenager might consider-” He pauses, at the snort Ryan makes because that’s the understatement of the century,  _ “Listen,  _ I wouldn’t suggest this unless I knew for sure you would be making money. C’mon, you think I’m that big of an asshole?” 

“Do you really want me to answer that?” 

Tyler looks five seconds away from pulling his hair out and Ryan’s honestly kind of hoping he will. 

_ “Anyways, _ I’m telling you these people make a lot of money, as in they’re a wealthy family in need of a babysitter for their kid who I’m sure is worth more than this entire rundown building you live in.”

“Hey,” he huffs, because maybe his apartment is a bit old and in need of a remodeling but it’s his home, and it’s done an alright job during these past two years. 

“I’m serious, Ryan. I know you don’t like me mentioning how fucked your life currently is, but I’m saying something now because I really think this could be the break you need, a little kick to get your ass in the right direction.” 

He’s only known Tyler for a little over one year, but the look that’s displayed on his face is something Ryan has never seen.The eyes that are normally narrowed or shine his disinterest in anything Ryan says, are wide with sincerity. A hopefulness swims in them, as he stares unwaveringly; the hold that’s been wrapped around his heart loosens slightly, at the thought of someone wanting to help him, or that someone’s even stayed long enough to see that he needs help. 

His decision was made long ago, but that doesn’t stop him from putting up a fight, testing Tyler, in a way, to see if he’ll give up easily or stand his ground. 

“I’m not good with kids.”

Tyler passes of course, with the same huff of annoyance he tends to do whenever Ryan’s being overly difficult, “You don’t have to be the kids friend, just watch them.”

The thought of watching some strangers kid is a little unnerving, his lack of experience with them pushing that thought forward. But Tyler seemed sure in the idea that this could help get him out of the terrible situation he’s unintentionally put himself in, and so he has to at least try. 

He unfolds the arms he hadn’t known he wrapped around himself, and sighs, rolling his eyes at Tyler’s steadfast grin, “Fine, I’ll do it.” 

Tyler is a little awkward at showing enthusiasm, but his smile is bright enough to blind Ryan, who grimaces at the cheerful expression, “I’m telling you, this is going to be the best thing that could’ve happened to you.” 

Ryan really doubts that. If anything this might be a total flop and he’ll end up right here, trapped and unable to leave. And beyond that what if Ryan is terrible at watching someone else’s kid? He’s known to be a little hostile at times, and so what happens if he makes the child cry, or worse, scared? 

Doubt starts slowly awakening, a familiar feeling he hasn’t missed at all, but there isn’t any time to get lost in it. Suddenly Tyler is there, crouching in front of him with hands clamped on his shoulders, pulling him out of his own self misery. 

“This is going to work Ryan, I know it is.” His eyes are pools of fire, the intensity in that belief is striking, and Ryan finds that he can only nod, not having enough strength to disagree, not anymore. 

“Yeah, okay,” he whispers, his own hope slipping between those words, tying them together in a knot he won’t let come undone. 

**

Nervousness can’t properly explain the gut feeling that’s settled low in Ryan’s stomach, as he drives through a neighborhood he’s only seen on tv shows, or when he pulls up to the address Tyler had texted that morning. The clear signs of a loving family decorate the outside of the two-story house and it puts him on edge. The sense of unbelonging worms its way inside cracks and open wounds, settling within himself in a place too dark to see- a person like him has no place near structured homes made from touches he yearns to feel.

It’s all a bit much, and Ryan sits in his run down car that stands out against the shiny vehicles that are parked beside him.  He tries to calm his racing heart and the embarrassment he’s sure to feel when the nicely painted white door opens and he stands there, a nobody meant to watch over somebody’s kid. 

Still, though, he replays Tyler’s words in his head,  _ “They’re great people, they’ll treat you like family.”  _ It helps a little, and after a few more intakes of deep breaths he finally gets out, laying his hands flat against his sides, trying to get control over how bad they’re shaking. It’s a futile attempt, but one he clings onto all the same. 

The trembling hand that encompasses his vision when he goes to knock almost makes him turn back. A sudden call of  _ you can’t do this  _ repeats in his head too fast to keep up, but he grabs the barely there image of a better future, one that even Tyler swears he’ll get, and knocks. Soft at first, but louder the second time, determined not to let that uncertainty win.

Long seconds after he’s knocked the door opens, revealing a man with shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes that aren’t as clear as Tyler’s, but bright all the same. The man’s smile is friendly enough that Ryan finds himself relaxing, even as the other cocks his head, confusion settling over his face. 

“Hey, can I help you with something?” 

“Um, I’m Ryan, the guy who’s supposed to be babysitting this weekend?” 

There’s a brief moment where the guy still looks lost, but Ryan pinpoints when he finally catches on, by the widening of his eyes, and the expansion of his smile. 

“Oh! You’re Ryan, the guy Tyler was telling us about. Cool, nice to meet you, I’m Scotty.” 

He holds out his hand, relaxed as he stands there, as if him and Ryan are old friends catching up. Ryan can’t help the smile that works its way on his face, as he starts to think that maybe he can do this after all. 

Scotty’s hand is warm, a comforting squeeze as they shake hands. He huffs a laugh, quietly and just for him, for thinking this man was going to be snobby in the worst way possible, before they even had a chance to meet, “Nice to meet you.” 

“Well, c’mon, gotta introduce you to the little bugger so you know how big of an annoying shit he can be. But I swear he does it out of love.” 

The door is opened wider, inviting him in and Ryan takes pity on his former self only five minutes prior, for being as nervous as he was. 

“That’s okay, I’ve been told I haven’t grown out of my little shit ways. We can be little shits together.

“God no,” Scotty laughs, and Ryan feels a sense of pride in that, and overwhelming happiness, that the other hasn’t mentioned or payed much attention to the fact that Ryan is a stark contrast to the luxury items decorating the inside house, “We don’t need another one running around; I’m not trying to go bald prematurely.” 

He takes in a deep breath of air when Scotty starts to lead him toward the living room, because although that nervousness has lessened and instead lingers just under the surface, he reminds himself on why he’s doing this. The image that flutters behind his eyelids of a content life makes him follow after, ready to face whatever came next. 

**

It starts with Scotty and his spitfire son, the adopted boy who Ryan can’t deny was entertaining to watch, with his toothy grin and messy brown hair that’s always topped with a colorful hat. The two plastic blades that sit on top were always spun so that the little kid could mimic a helicopter, as he ran circles around Ryan, demanding attention. 

The check Scotty gives him after they get back in town almost makes him faint, if not for multiple hands reaching out to steady him; Scotty had laughed in amusement when Ryan stuttered out a  _ thank you so much  _ and  _ this is too much I can’t take all of this.  _

Scotty had insisted that he deserved it, though, claimed he did a great job and that every zero on that check was money well earned; Ryan has a sneaky suspicion Tyler told him his situation, and the other had felt obligated to give him more money, even if he disagrees. 

So that’s how it starts, with Ryan over the moon and gushing to Tyler how all that money would be put in his savings, titled  _ One Day,  _ his constant reminder for that better future he’s been desperately reaching for. And then on an uneventful evening he gets a call, from another family, friends of Scotty’s who told everyone about how great of a babysitter he was, and it’s all uphill from there. 

It becomes his temporary career of sorts, until he can properly get on his feet, and though he had been hesitant at first, he admits in solitude that he enjoys it. He meets new people who he’s glad to call friends of sorts, and the kids are funny in their innocent way. Their large imaginations leave him a little breathless most times, but he helps in their adventure of running from “monster enemies” or catching imaginary friends. 

Tyler occasionally visits him with a smug smile, accompanied with a boastful,  _ “Can I say I told you so yet?”  _

His stubbornness won’t let him admit how right Tyler was, so instead he’ll roll his eyes, or pretend to not hear him, despite the loud laugh that usually follows because Tyler knows Ryan’s silence is always a win. 

After a few months of babysitting he gets used to random calls from unknown numbers, which is why he doesn’t hesitate to answer it now, even if he has just woken up and he’s a bit sloppy with his words. 

“Hello?” He murmurs, rubbing at his eyes that threaten to fall close again. 

“Uh, is this Ryan?” The voice on the other end has a nice tone to it, with a slight southern accent he barely picks up on, and Ryan unintentionally hums, sitting up. 

“Yeah, that’s me. Who is this, by the way?” 

It’s quiet for just a second, before the guy answers, amusement laced through his words, “Are you just waking up?” 

It’s a little embarrassing, and most likely unprofessional, but he coughs, trying to sound more awake, “I might have, yes.”

“Is that how you answer all your business calls?” 

He frowns and scratches his head at that, despite the playful tone of the guy’s voice, “I think that depends on if you consider babysitting a business. And since I’m the one you’re calling, I’m guessing I’m the only babysitter here, and so I’ll say no, it’s not a business to me and yes, sometimes I answer half asleep.” 

Once the words leave his mouth his frown deepens, and he sighs under his breath because he probably sounds like an asshole now, but it’s hard to control what he says when his mind is still fuzzy with dreams. He goes to apologize, hoping to stop the man from telling everyone how Ryan is actually a terrible person and shouldn’t be hired as a babysitter anymore. But then there’s a soft chuckle, one that surprisingly sounds nice and makes him pause. 

“Fair enough, although it was a joke, so maybe you should loosen up,  _ Ryan.”  _

He’s ashamed to admit his name sounds good, when spoken by the other. But he quickly shuts those thoughts down because the guy is probably married and not at all interested in guys, let alone Ryan, a babysitter. 

“Anyways,” he huffs, uncomfortable by how much he likes the voice of a stranger, “Who are you, again? Because for all I know you’re some criminal who’s heard about me and you’re pretending to be someone important so you can rob me, or kill me-I don’t know, but I’d be very pissed either way.” 

“Right,” the other laughs, effectively making Ryan even more annoyed by how much he wants to hear it again, “Says the guy who’s a babysitter. You watch the news? There’s always shit about sketchy babysitters, so how do  _ I  _ know you’re not some phony?” 

It’s entirely true, but he grits his teeth, not understanding why he was getting so worked up by someone he’s never met, “I-” 

“I’m Luke, by the way. The guy who’s thinking about hiring you if you’re able to shut up for a minute so I can explain what it is I’m asking.” 

He wants to retort, finds that it’s easy to go back and forth with this guy, but Ryan has to breathe out slowly, forcing himself to remember that he’s in no position to be an ass. 

“Yeah, okay, go ahead.” 

Luke hums and Ryan has to bite down on his lip to keep himself from saying something snarky. 

“Great, it’s about time.” Ryan narrows his eyes, biting down even harder, and judging by the soft laugh, Luke must know he’s trying to control himself. “So my good buddy Scotty keeps telling me about how great of a babysitter you are, although he gives praise to everyone, so I hadn’t really given the idea much thought until my normal babysitter quit and now I’m rushing to find someone.” 

“Okay,” he says slowly, bypassing the insult, “Just give me a date and time and I’ll go over to watch whoever I need to.” 

“Well, see, that’s where shit might hit the fan because I’ve been told you only babysit for a day or two, but I’m looking for someone who’s going to be free everyday. As in, I would need you to pick my son up from daycare and stay with him, here at my house, until I get off work.” 

That’s...certainly new. He knows if he accepts this, that’d he most likely have to give up other babysitting jobs, and he’s not entirely sure if that’s a good idea, especially since he’s quit working at the gas station, much to Tyler’s delight. Although, if this Luke guy is a friend of Scotty’s then surely he makes enough money to hire someone to watch his kid everyday, and yet what if the kid is horrible to watch? Or what if, by how their conversation has gone already, he doesn’t get along with Luke? 

There’s a lot of ways in which this could go horribly wrong and Ryan’s left without a job, and he runs a hand through his hair, a nervous habit he has yet to quit. 

“I don’t know…” He says, thinking of both the good and bad that could come along with this. 

“Listen, you don’t need to decide right now, just let me know soon, okay? I’m already late for work so I’ll have to cut this talk here, but if you decide yes just text me and we’ll meet up to make sure you’re not some creep.” 

“Hey-” He’s hung up on before he can retort, and he pulls the phone away, flicking it off as if the guy can see. 

Letting the phone fall from his grasp, he shuffles back down in bed, looking at the ceiling in the hopes for some sort of answer; there’s nothing of course, but he knows Tyler is visiting him later in the day and he’ll ask for advice then. 

Tyler thinks it’s a genius idea, unsurprisingly. 

When Ryan had brought it up, Tyler couldn’t hide his excitement when he found out  _ who  _ was offering the job to him

“I’ve met him a couple times when I went to hang out with Scotty, the dude seems cool, a little too blunt for my taste.” At Ryan’s raised eyebrow he had rolled his eyes, because Tyler saying someone was too blunt, as if he himself wasn’t, was unheard of. 

“Not that I couldn’t handle it, but you know how I am. Are personalities clashed and we just butted heads a lot. But anyways I know the dude makes a shit ton of money. He mentioned how he works for an oil company and gets paid overtime from how often he’s stuck there.” 

That made sense, given how he wants Ryan to stay at his house until he got off work. But that fact only added to his list of ‘ _ Why I shouldn’t take this offer’.  _

Tyler seems to understand his dilemma, because he shuffles closer to him, knocking Ryan’s knee with his foot. “If my opinion means anything then I think you should call him and say you’ll do it. I’m almost positive this guy makes more money than anyone else you’ve babysat for, so think about it, this could be it for you, the last time you have to babysit, ever."

He waves his hands out in front of them, eyes distant, “You’ll have enough money to leave this shit place, buy yourself a nice outfit and get an interview at some prestige writing firm. You just need that final push, and I think this is it.” 

That future sounded like a dream come true, and as he sits on the worn couch that reeks of the alleyway he found it in, he finds himself nodding, reaching with aching fingers, desperately wanting all of that to come true. 

“Okay,” he breathes, facing Tyler and the earnest smile on his face, “I’ll do it.” 

They celebrate by going out for drinks, and when he gets back, past midnight and slightly intoxicated, he calls the number that woke him up earlier that day. His body feels as if he’s floating, as he lays in bed, but it’s a nice sensation all the same. It takes a while for the other to answer, but Ryan’s not entirely himself to realize Luke was probably sleeping. 

“Hello?” His voice is deep, now, clouded with sleep and Ryan’s heart picks up, trying to imagine how this mysterious man looks. 

“I’ll take the offer.” It comes out a bit slurred, but there isn’t any time to pay attention to that when he remembers that Luke might not know who he’s talking to. “This is Ryan, the babysitting guy.” 

The sound of a breathy laugh makes him smile unintentionally, because it’s just as pretty as it was that morning. “I know who it is.” 

“That’s nice,” he whispers, finding staying awake to be difficult, “Didn’t want you to forget me.” 

“How could I forget someone who answers the phone half asleep, and now calls me drunk? I’m starting to think you’re terrible at first impressions.” 

“Well I’m starting to think you’re an asshole.” His words string together, a jumbled mess of clouded thoughts. He thinks he hears Luke tell him to go to sleep, but his eyes are already closed and the phone has left his hand before he can understand what was said. 

He dreams of a pretty voice, belonging to a beautiful man, with arms that wrap around him. And they caress every inch of his body, as that same voice whispers words in his ear that makes him shiver. He wakes up horrified at the dream, though, and even more embarrassed when he recalls the late night conversation and how unprofessional Luke must think he is now. 

His hands are a bit clammy when he searches the blanket for his phone, ready to apologize profusely and understanding if Luke didn’t want him anywhere near his kid. But all of that comes to a sudden halt, when he turns the device on and sees a text waiting for him, sent at 1:45am. 

_ I’m not mad. But I’m expecting a coffee one of these days for waking me up when I leave for work at 5.  _

He bites into his lip, holding back a smile when he sees the message that was sent right after, as if Luke thought he might’ve been too harsh, even though Ryan was the one who called him when he was drunk. 

_ I’m joking by the way, I know how you have trouble understanding those.  _

“What a jerk,” he breathes, despite the lightness he feels in his chest, and the unusual excitement to go babysit; he doesn’t think too much into it, just marks it down as Luke being the first person to treat him like a close friend, before they’ve even met. It’s a nice feeling, is all, to be treated like a normal person and not some guy who’s only looking for money. 

Or at least, that’s what he tells himself. 

**

For a reason he refuses to linger on, he’s extremely nervous meeting Luke, more terrified than he was with Scotty; it doesn’t help that he’s talked with the man more than anyone else and in a way he feels as if he has to meet some expectation. 

His heart is a racing mess as he steps onto the porch of a house that nearly takes his breath away. There are colorful flowers almost everywhere, a swing set hanging from a tall tree that stands watch over the beautiful home, and decorations he finds himself wanting to know the story behind. The place screams of a family invested in each other, but he brushes off the small part of him that deflates at that, because he’s so used to broken homes and it’s nice, to see one thriving off love and care. 

Everything is the same as it was with Scotty when he knocks. He feels beads of sweat accumulate at the base of his neck, grips his stomach when jittery butterflies flutter in anxious anticipation, and time seems to slow as he waits for that single barricade, separating him and the people inside to open. And then Scotty leaves his mind along with the deja vu that came with it, because there isn’t a man with a friendly smile waiting, instead a boy with curious blue eyes looking up at him behind a teddy bear clutched in his arms. 

Ryan’s a bit lost for a brief second, unsure on how to deal with a kid who gazes with watchful eyes he’s used to seeing from someone older. 

“Uh, hi,” he smiles, raising an arm to scratch at the back of his head, “Is your dad here?”

He’s only assuming that this is Luke’s kid, and he’s not really ready to face the embarrassment if he turns out to be wrong. The boys eyes have yet to stop  _ watching,  _ but whatever he’s looking for seems to finally make itself known and he holds out the plain bear, grinning innocently. 

“This is Mr.Teddy. Do you want to be his friend?” The kid shuffles closer, inching his head nearer and whispers with a secretive tone. “He only lets his friends come inside because my dad always says people we don’t know aren’t allowed.” 

It’s possibly the cutest thing he’s ever heard, and Ryan finds himself smiling, squatting down to meet the boy’s eyes who light up, happy that Ryan is playing along. 

“Okay, how do I become Mr.Teddy’s friend?” 

The wide grin grows in size, and Ryan notices a few teeth missing from the bottom row, but he doesn’t get an answer when suddenly there’s a man behind the kid. 

“Jon, what have I said about opening the door?” The name Jon fits the boy, with his untamed brown hair and mischief eyes that roll at the exasperated voice of his fathers. 

“Not to open it unless you’re with me-but dad! He said he’ll be Mr.Teddy’s friend!” 

Ryan looks up in time to see the man’s head turn toward him, and he’s embarrassed by the sound he unintentionally makes at the sight of the new person. The man who looks like he’s walked straight out of a modeling campaign, even if he’s currently wearing sweatpants that hang dangerously low, and a tight fitting shirt which shows off the sculpted arms. It also doesn’t help that Ryan has always had a thing for men with beards, or crooked smirks that quirk up when Ryan’s only able to manage a small “oh”. 

“You Ryan?” The guy asks, though judging by his amused eyes and raised eyebrows, he knows exactly who he’s talking to. 

Ryan’s still a flustered mess, squatting with his mouth hanging open, but he nods slightly, coughing when Luke crosses his arms. The muscles nearly tempt him in reaching out to feel, but he’s got enough self control to instead clench his hand into a fist. 

“Something wrong?” Luke leans against the doorframe, eyes watching his every move, and Ryan can see where Jon gets it from, now. 

“No I-you-uh you’re just...not as old as I expected.” He slowly raises to a stand, blushing at how bad he’s stuttering because Luke has turned out to be a man that was most definitely carved by gods. 

Luke snorts, shaking his head. His gaze flits back down to Jon, and Ryan watches a little in awe, as Luke ruffles the boy’s hair, grinning when Jon huffs and sticks his tongue out. 

“C’mon Mr.Teddy, let’s ditch these old dudes.” Jon snickers loudly when Luke pinches at his arm as he takes off.  

“I’m not old!” 

And then it’s just the two of them; Ryan would be lying if he said this new situation didn’t have his relaxing nerves come back tenfold. 

“Well, let’s go.” Luke smiles, one that appears genuine. Ryan’s knees may wobble a bit, as he follows after, though he quickly forgets about that when he takes in his surroundings. Unlike the many homes he’s been inside, this one has a cozy feeling to it, an effect of there not being as many expensive items decorating wherever there’s space. Most of the walls have pictures hanging on them, of a kid with shining blue eyes, much smaller than the boy Ryan’s just met. But then he sees the kid grow older, by the photos of him wrapped in a blanket, a newborn held in Luke’s arms whose gaze is soft, an expression on his face that Ryan has never seen from anyone before. 

He’s able to capture how these years have treated him, with Jon’s smile only growing wider with every new picture he sees. The most recent looking one’s have Jon holding the same teddy bear, arms wrapped around it in a hug, as Luke stands next to him, both in front of what looks like a ferris wheel, and Ryan knows he got the stuffed animal at a carnival. 

“How old is he?” He asks, feeling Luke’s eyes on him, but his own never leave the many photos before them. He lingers on the one of Luke, smiling wide, arm thrown over Scotty’s and someone else’s shoulder. 

“Just turned 6 a couple months ago.” 

He finally turns away, seeing Luke with his arms crossed, but his stance is relaxed, as he nods a head somewhere behind Ryan. 

“We can talk about everything in the kitchen. I’m nearly done making lunch.” Ryan quickly follows after, and nearly trips over his own feet when Luke throws a look over his shoulder, smirk back in place at Ryan’s sloppy footwork. “Hope you like grilled cheese sandwiches. It’s Jon’s favorite and I promised I’d make it today.” 

“Oh,” he murmurs, a little shocked, “I’m included in lunch?” 

Luke actually stops, giving Ryan an exasperated look, “You’re my guest. I’m not just going to cook something and eat it in front of you. I’m not  _ that  _ big of a dick.” 

“Well I mean-I just don’t want to be a bother.” 

It’s frustrating, how Luke’s face softens, how he makes to take a step forward but stops when Ryan walks back. He’s seen that look before, the one’s aimed at those others take pity on and he won’t be on the receiving end of it again. Especially from someone he doesn’t even know. 

Luke appears conflicted for the briefest of seconds, before his confident aura is back and he rolls his eyes. “I’ll let you know if you start being a bother. For now though you’re alright, so get your ass in there and eat with us.” 

He doesn’t give Ryan room to argue when he turns and begins walking again. It’s a little silly, on Ryan’s end, but he smiles secretly because maybe Luke could’ve persisted despite the clear warning from Ryan, and yet he didn’t. He follows a few seconds after, masking the warmth that creeps in his heart with an aloofness that’s become like a second home. 

The kitchen is just as homey. There are plants that have seen better days, magnets and more pictures on the fridge, and the smell of coffee lingers heavy in the air, as if the old looking coffee pot is always in use. 

Jon is already sitting at the small table that overlooks a window, and from where Ryan stands he can see the backyard, littered with toys and even more plants. 

“We’re having grilled cheese!” Jon yells when he sees him, squirming in his chair as if he can’t contain all the excitement he feels. 

He sits down when Luke nudges him forward, although not before throwing the man a quick glare. Luke only smiles, and Ryan turns his head, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. He needs to stop thinking about Luke in ways he most certainly shouldn’t be, and Jon seems like the type of kid to take up all of someone’s attention. “Why is grilled cheese your favorite?”

“Because,” Jon says, a silent ‘duh’ hidden in that word, “The cheese is gooey and sticks to your mouth! It feels like this,” he demonstrates, opening his mouth wide, closing it soon after, mimicking someone chewing something with great effort. He adds noises to it, groaning and clutching at his jaw, huffing “So much work” before slumping down on the table, face pressed against the cool wood. Ryan watches in amusement as Jon seems to realize his teddy bear is hanging loosely by his side, because he quickly picks his head up to place it on the table beside him, before lowering his head again.  

He only waits a second before he peeks an eye open, giggling when he sees Ryan still staring. Ryan feels his own grin growing on his face when Jon slowly opens his eyes again, squealing as Ryan leans forward and sticks his tongue out. 

“Alright you two, no goofing off while we’re eating.” Ryan sits up in surprise, admittedly forgetting Luke was still in the room. The man doesn’t appear bothered by it, just flashes him a look of amusement and sets a plate in front of him. He eyes the perfectly cut sandwich, poking at it hesitantly. 

“You didn’t poison this, did you?” 

Luke rolls his eyes, sitting in the seat next to Ryan and effectively making the butterflies go crazy in his stomach once again. 

“Ryan, shut up.” 

“That’s a bad word, Dad!” Jon immediately yells, food spilling out of his mouth as he talks. 

“You’re right, Jon. I’m sorry, it’s just hard to control myself around an idiot.” Ryan squawks, kicking at Luke’s foot under the table and grinning when the other kicks back. 

“That’s a bad word too, right? Jon, don’t you think that’s a bad and nasty word?” His smile grows when Jon purses his lips, thinking about it before nodding and looking over at Luke. 

“He’s right Dad! That’s a bad word and you shouldn’t say it.” 

“See?” Ryan laughs, enjoying the scandalous look on Luke’s face. 

“How dare you make my son betray me. That’s just cruel.” 

He realizes he’s only properly met Luke and Jon, but this lightweight feeling in his chest has never happened with any other family, and it’s something that concerns him. He tries not to think about it though, instead focuses on the light banter Luke and him keep up throughout lunch, with Jon sometimes interrupting because he had a random thought. He especially ignores the feeling when Luke finally tells Jon on just who Ryan is. 

“He’s going to be your new babysitter, okay?” Ryan had been a little nervous, despite how welcoming Jon was to him, but that brief moment of doubt was short lived when Jon’s eyes only grew wide. 

“Really?” He yelled at Luke, before turning his attention to Ryan when he was given a nod. “That’s awesome!” And then he lowered his head, pulling his teddy bear closer as he whispered, “You’re nicer than the old lady who never wanted to play and always told me I was too old for Mr.Teddy.”

It’s possible that Ryan has already gotten too comfortable, when he accidently blurts, “Screw her.” 

The expression that takes over Jon’s face is laughable, if not for it being because Ryan slipped up in front of a kid. 

“Dad,” Jon whispered, a little in awe, “He said a bad word.” 

Luke grinned in a way that set Ryan on edge, as he looked at his son. “He did. You know what we have to do don’t you? When people say words they’re not supposed to?” 

It takes less than a second for Jon to catch on. He throws his head back and laughs, giving no time for Ryan to wonder what kid laughs like that, when he’s jumping out of his seat and immediately racing over to where Ryan still sits. 

There’s especially no time to react when Luke suddenly pounces as well, because suddenly fingers are digging into his sides and he’s being  _ tickled.  _ It’s an onslaught of fingers reaching wherever they can and he’s helpless to it all, can only squirm in his chair and laugh loudly. Tears form in his eyes and he thrashes, pleading, “Stop! I’m gonna pee on myself!” 

A shrill giggle rings in his ears and he looks over, seeing Jon take a step back and scrunch his face up. “That’s gross!” 

“Hey,” Luke interrupts, pointing accusingly at Jon, “We don't judge in this household. If Ryan wants to pee on himself we’ll let him.” 

Without really thinking about it he pinches Luke’s arm, huffing when the man gives him an affronted look.

“I’m not actually going to pee.” He mutters, but Jon’s already walking away, his teddy bear swinging in his hand. 

“Okay, but I’m not cleaning it up!” 

Ryan groans, throwing his head back and pointedly ignoring Luke’s laughter, as he sits down again. 

“You’re an ass.” He breathes once he knows Jon’s left the room, but Luke only leans back, stretching his arms behind his head. 

“Maybe, but at least I don’t pee on myself.” 

He chooses not to answer that, instead settles on sighing exasperatedly. They sit in silence for a while, but Ryan’s just now noticing how it’s been only the three of them, and he looks over at Luke, seeing him staring out the window. It’s a beautiful sight, but Ryan clears his throat, fighting off a blush when Luke turns his head toward him, intense gaze that was previously directed outside now aimed at him. 

“Um, I was just wondering. When is your wife getting back? I figure she’d want to meet me as well.” 

Luke gives him an unreadable expression, eyes briefly flitting back to the window, before they settle on Ryan again. 

“I’m single.” He smiles, though not as happy as it’s been, and Ryan doesn’t question on it further. 

It’s not his business to ask, but now that he’s brought up a topic that appears to be touchy, it becomes awkward. He could leave? He nods to himself, liking that idea and stands, jabbing a thumb at the hall behind him.

“Uh, I think I’m going to leave now. Don’t want to overstay my visit.” 

“You sure? You’re not bothering anyone, by being here.” It’s said a little too nicely for his taste, and he pushes his chair in a little more aggressively than he needs to. 

“It’s fine. I have some errands to run anyways.” He’s lying of course, but it’s better than saying how he wouldn’t mind staying, and how he feels more comfortable here than at his own home. 

“Okay.” Luke doesn’t fight it, and Ryan’s thankful, because he’s not sure if he would have had enough willpower to say no again. 

They walk to the front in silence, the once cheerful mood now a bit gloomy. It’s cool outside, when he steps out, and the darkening sky makes it difficult to see anything past his parked car. He pauses at the doorway, unsure of how to say goodbye. He opens his mouth, intent on stuttering out a horrible  _ see you later,  _ but Luke beats him to it. Sort of. 

“Thank you,” he says quickly, making Ryan close his mouth, caught off guard. “I know you didn’t have to do this, and that I asked last minute. So thank you, it means a lot.” He scratches at his head, and it’s the first time Ryan has seen him  _ nervous.  _ It would be worth calling him out on it, if not for Ryan finding it endearing. 

“It’s okay, Luke. You don’t have to thank me.” It comes out softer than expected, but it might be because of the subdue air around them, a tranquil quality of sorts that has enveloped the two. 

Luke must not be someone who’s good with emotions, because he ruins the atmosphere with his confident smirk, and playful words, “This doesn’t mean I’m going to forget about your little peeing problem.” 

Ryan shoves at him, grinning at Luke’s loud laugh, “Fuck you.” And then he leans around Luke, calling up the stairs, “Bye Jon!” 

There’s the sound of hurried feet, before Jon comes into view. Ryan doesn’t have time to react when he suddenly throws himself at him, hugging his leg and muttering, “Bye Ryan!” 

It’s all sorts of adorable and Ryan ruffles his hair, heart filling with a foreign feeling as Jon pulls back huffing, and Luke grins, ruffling his hair even more. Jon stomps back inside, sticking his tongue out at the both of them before he goes. 

“So,” Luke claps his hands, turning his attention back to Ryan, “I’ll text you Jon’s daycare address so you know where to go, and uh, guess I’ll see you Monday after work?” 

“Yeah,” Ryan smiles, the most excited he’s ever been for a babysitting job, “See you then, Luke.” 

The walk back to his car is just a mantra of  _ don’t trip,  _ said more desperately because he knows Luke is watching him go. They wave to each other once Ryan has managed to get himself seated and buckled in, and his smile is the widest it’s ever been, as he drives away, his mind filled with the days to come and the man Ryan’s heart can’t seem to stop thinking about. 

**

The months of spending time with Luke and Jon seem to go by in the blink of an eye. What once was nervousness and a foreboding sense of uncertainty has since been replaced with fond and adoration. The two guys who have entered Ryan’s life with such suddenness are a warm welcome. 

Most days now are spent in the company of Jon. The little boy who is unlike any other kid Ryan has ever met. He’s smart for his age, and perceptive for someone so young. Whenever Ryan is feeling particularly down, Jon appears as if he knows, and he’ll hold out his teddy bear, smile shy as he says, “Mr.Teddy always hugs me when I feel sad. Do you want to hug him?” 

It’s astonishing how easily he understands conversations and the world around him. How whenever Ryan takes him out for ice cream after daycare, and Jon will sit and talk to the elderly woman who always sits in the far back, a somber look constantly on her face. They learn she’s a widow, for many years but still she misses her husband. Ryan’s not even sure if Jon knows what it means to be a widow, but he holds out his bear he never lets go of, and offers it with a small smile. 

“My dad says that if I ever see an old person sad I should smile at them because maybe they lost something important.” Jon shrugged, pushing the bear into the woman’s hands, “And I know if I ever lost Mr.Teddy I would be really sad. So you can hold him and pretend it’s the thing you lost.” 

Ryan admits he had gotten a little teary eyed, not expecting something so empathic from a boy who has yet to experience any real hardship. But then he pictures the mother that’s not around, and Ryan thinks that maybe he has already been through pain. It’s a thought that hurts him in ways it shouldn’t, but it’s impossible not to when Jon is wonderful and all Ryan wants is for him to be happy. 

And then there’s Luke. A guy who seems so out of reach, with his snarky comments and confident aura that Ryan knows is in need of breaking down. But then there’s the rare moments of soft genuinity, shown in times of need. When Ryan gets lost in a sea of the past, or even the uncertain future, Luke is there to pull him out, offer a hand without a pity look or verbally voicing his concerns. It’s something Ryan treasures, although maybe too much. 

He can’t deny the wave of emotions that flood him when Luke is near, when he directs a smile at him, or lays a gentle hand on his back when it’s time for Ryan to leave and Luke walks him out. It’s a touch that lingers for hours, the ghost of a handprint burning his desire that yearns for more, like a flame that refuses to be put out. He knows it’s wrong. Knows Luke couldn’t ever see him in the way Ryan does, because he’s just the babysitter, at the end of the day.   

But then after three months of going over during the weekdays and being lonely on the weekends, his Saturday night is interrupted by a text from Luke. It’s a simple text, reading,  _ Want to come over?  _ But Ryan sits up in alarm, not at all prepared for the invite. The weekends are his days alone, with Luke not working and not needing him there to take care of Jon. So why was the man asking for him now

**_It’s saturday._ ** Maybe Luke thinks it’s Friday? Although it is nearing 7pm, so there’s no way that’s possible. Ryan’s heart picks up a bit, thinking that maybe Luke just wants to see him, wants him to go over and participate in whatever Jon and him are doing. 

He snaps out of his thoughts when a chime rings, and he looks down at the new message.  _ I know what day it is Ryan. Jon’s over at Scotty’s place having a sleepover. Just wanted some company for the night but if you’re busy it’s okay.  _

Busy? Ryan looks up, surveying the mess that’s his living room, with the tv on and the blanket wrapped around him as he lounges on the couch.  **_I’m not busy, was just surprised._ **

_ Great. I’ll make dinner and I better not hear any shit about how my spaghetti sauce tastes this time.  _

Holy shit, Ryan thinks. Were they...having a date? The heat that has slowly started rising to his cheeks inflames at the thought, as his brain scrambles for a reply.  **_It tasted like ass and you know it._ **

He bites down on his lip to repress the smile that threatens to come out, but there’s a giddiness in him he hasn’t felt in years and it’s nice, that he feels it again because of Luke. 

_ Shut the fuck up and hurry over before I change my mind.  _

The smile escapes after that, and he laughs quietly into his shoulder, quickly sending,  **_You got it boss!_ ** Before hurrying to a stand, ignoring the brief dizziness in favor of finding an appropriate outfit. 

He doesn’t want to show up overdressed, especially if this turns out to not be a date and just Luke genuinely wanting some company. But he can’t be too casual, either. He has to show that he cares about this, but not enough to be upset if it doesn’t turn out the way he hopes it will. 

He’s a flurry of movements for a solid thirty minutes, before he’s finally able to make it out the door. Before he drives off though, most likely over the speed limit, he sends a quick text to Tyler.  **_If a guy asks you on a date should you bring a bottle of wine out of courtesy? Or just show up empty handed?_ **

It’s not a surprise that the response is immediate, given Tyler doesn’t usually involve himself in the police force unless it’s a dire emergency.  _ “It’s so someone stays back at the pound is all.”  _ He had said when Ryan questioned him, but it was a blatant lie.  _ “No, Tyler. You’re just lazy.”  _

He forgets all of that when the sound of his phone going off pulls him from the memory. _ Showing up with wine usually means you’re looking to hookup.  _

He scoffs, finding that statement absurd.  **_Says who? I would only bring wine because it’s rude to show up somewhere empty handed._ **

_ Me, bitch. Don’t ask for advice if you’re just going to counter what I say.  _

**_Someone’s in a cranky mood. Do you want me to bring you a ring pop so you can pretend you’re married to a wealthy man who’d show you off?_ **

The fantasy is one of Tyler’s favorite when he’s feeling down, but Ryan secretly admits it sounds like a nice one. 

_ My shift is almost over. Don’t worry about it.  _ And then immediately following, like an afterthought,  _ But tomorrow would be nice, please.  _

Ryan smiles with nothing but fond for the unlikely friend he’s made during a terrible time in his life.  **_I’ll be there._ **

He finally drives off after that, the small balloon of anxiety slowly filling up, as he thinks about who’s waiting for him. 

**

It’s like the first time all over again, when Ryan shows up, bouncing from foot to foot as he waits for Luke to answer the door. Except now as he looks around, he can make out the newer decorations, that Jon and him displayed. As well as the new lively plants Jon insisted on planting by himself, with his declaration of: “I’m a big boy Ryan! I can do it!” It was adorable to watch, with the determination written on his face, as he dug out dirt and planted seeds, always looking at Ryan for confirmation.

Now though the door opens, and Ryan’s still lost in his thoughts that the suddenness of it makes him jump. Luke stands there, amused smirk already in place, but Ryan’s too busy just  _ looking  _ at him to pay attention to that. 

“Wow,” he breathes, admiring the casual jeans, and the buttoned up shirt Luke wears. Appreciatively he raises his eyebrows at how the sleeves are rolled up, showing the hands Ryan as admittedly daydreamed about. “Luke, you look...really good.” 

He can’t be bothered by how breathless he sounds, when he notices the bashful smile that lights up Luke’s face, and as he looks down, not quite meeting Ryan’s eyes. 

“Thanks. You look really good too.” Ryan realizes they probably look like two teenagers out on a first date, but it’s hard not to be anything other than starstruck by the man in front of him. 

“Uh, so, are we going in or…?” Ryan asks with a laugh, when Luke seems surprised, that they’re still still standing at the door. 

“Oh! Right, yeah, sorry about that.” He waves Luke off, ignoring the faintest look of nervousness quickly replaced on Luke’s face, for his normal lips quirked and eyes shining in a way that gets Ryan’s heart racing. 

“Also,” Ryan says, as he follows Luke to the kitchen, “I was going to stop to get wine, but I wasn’t sure if this was a drinking sort of a night.” 

“That’s okay,” Luke calls over his shoulder, throwing Ryan a wink that nearly has him falling over, “I’ve got plenty of bottles I haven’t opened yet.” 

He kicks himself mentally, when Tyler’s words ring in his ears, of what he thinks wine means. And maybe Luke is dressed a little nicer than normal, but it doesn’t mean anything. And it definitely doesn’t mean they’re going to  _ hook up.  _

This is just two guys having dinner together. Nothing else to it. 

**

Ryan’s almost certain that this is a date. They’ve since moved from the kitchen to the living room, where they sit on Luke’s couch. They’re supposed to be watching tv, but instead they sit facing each other, drinking their glasses of wine and talking about everything under the sun. They make jokes, occasionally jab the other with a soft kick when they poke fun at each other, and Ryan can’t get enough of it. 

Luke is funny in this carefree way and Ryan finds himself laughing more than anything, listening to the ridiculous stories of Luke’s childhood and the things he got up to.

“You actually spray painted ‘fuck you’ on your school? What?! What was wrong with you?” Ryan stares at Luke wide-eyed, although his smile only grows when Luke laughs, shrugging with this innocent smirk on his lips. 

“Hey don’t judge me! We all did stupid shit when we were young. You can’t sit there and tell me you didn’t do  _ one thing  _ that could’ve gotten you arrested or in some serious trouble.” 

When Ryan goes through his memories it’s a bit sad how nothing comes up. He shakes his head, huffing softly, “I was always considered the nerd in school. I got good grades and stayed up every night doing homework or studying. Didn’t really have time to do anything reckless.” 

Sometimes he thinks he’d like to, if he could go back in time and be a teen again. He wouldn’t focus so heavily on the future and being successful, instead wishes he had taken the time to be a kid, and not someone he thought his parents wanted him to be. 

“You go to college then?” Luke asks, a loud voice that cuts through a past he so easily gets adrift in. When Ryan looks at him, Luke’s face shows he knows this, as he eyes him over the glass close to his lips.

“Uh, yeah, actually. Graduated with honors and have my bachelor degree.” He blushes at Luke’s raised eyebrows, the impressed look he gives Ryan as he leans forward, giving Ryan his sole attention. 

“What’d you major in?” 

Ryan has never actually properly talked about college, because, well, he ended up here-babysitting. It’s embarrassing to tell someone how much stress and work went into graduating, only for him to be 25 and taking care of real adult’s kids. And yet he finds himself talking anyways, because this is Luke. “Journalism. I, um, really want to be a writing editor.” 

“So why are you babysitting?” Luke cocks his head, not noticing the slight tense to Ryan’s shoulders, “Can I ask about that, by the way? I’ve been curious as to why babysitting? What made you decide to do it?” 

He doesn’t  _ want  _ to explain. He doesn’t want to have to say how he’s a failure and broke and was desperate enough to get into babysitting. Luke doesn’t know what Ryan goes home to, the conditions he’s living in, or the life he’s living because all he ever does is  _ fail  _ and  _ let people down.  _

So he blames it on the wine, when he starts talking and can’t stop. “When I was young I was obsessed with planning; I always had to know what was going to happen ahead of time, and looking back I think that’s where I went wrong. But what else was I supposed to do? When I had a dad who was never there? When he’d call and say he was going to visit, and I sat outside waiting, always  _ waiting,  _ for a man who never showed. And that disappointment follows you, a dead weight you can’t ever shake and I just- I thought if I  _ knew  _ my future, if I could map it out, I would be okay, for once. And maybe my mom would finally say she’s proud, that her only child became something. It made me try harder than everyone else around me, made me stay after school and stay up until my eyes wanted to bleed and I couldn’t think properly, because the future I had drawn out for me was waiting. I just had to reach it.” 

He shrugs, eyes narrowed as he watches his fists clench, grab onto his jeans with a grip not meant to let go, “But I didn’t. I couldn’t even do that, couldn’t grasp something that stood there right in front of me. How pathetic is that? And now I can barely afford bread. Can you believe that? I can’t even pay for fucking bread without having a panic attack at the store because that’s all the money I have! I have to babysit, it’s the only option I have now, and even then I’m not allowed to touch that money, not really, because Tyler still thinks there’s a future out there still waiting for me. But all I see is a vast amount of nothingness.” 

He laughs ruefully, refusing to meet Luke’s eyes that he knows will only be filled with pity, “And you know what? None of that hurts as much as knowing my mother will never see me be anything, because all she took to her grave was the image of me failing.” He quickly wipes at the tear that threatens to fall, frustrated at himself and everything he’s ever done. “Sometimes at night I think about her, and I wonder what she’d say, if she could see me now. Would she disown me? Would she see how I’ve tortured myself for years trying to get her approval? Would she hate me? More than she did? Because I know she blamed my dad’s disappearance on me, and sometimes I remember her hushed cries, but mostly I remember that night when I couldn’t sleep and stupidly I thought she’d hold me, just that one time. Instead I found her passed out on the couch, the notebook she always wrote in sitting there, begging me to read it and I-I did. And it was...horrible. I was 10, Luke, and all she could write was her disgust when she looked at me. She saw nothing but my dad and it made her sick to her stomach but how was any of that my fault? I was a  _ kid.”  _

“And now,” he wetly sniffs, “I’m here, still dreaming about one day working for OHM Enterprise, the writing company I moved here for, but all I’ve managed to do is drive by it every morning with a longing that will never come true.” 

He knows he’s said more than he ever has about his past, and he sits there, open and vulnerable. He half expects Luke to kick him out, and Ryan will just add him to the list of people who left his life without a care because he’s the idiot who keeps letting them in. But then Luke shuffles closer, knocks Ryan’s shoulder with his own, and though he tries to keep his eyes trained down, he’s weak when it comes to the man next to him. 

He glances up, seeing Luke staring at him with a soft smile, though it’s not the type Ryan was expecting. There isn’t any pity for him, but instead of tint of sadness, as he reaches out and grabs Ryan’s hand, leaving him breathless with the gentle touch. Luke’s fingers are warm, a weight that’s comforting, as he encompasses Ryan’s hand and just holds onto it. 

“Jon’s mom,” he starts, briefly looking at Ryan with sorrowful eyes, “She, uh, died...giving birth to Jon. He gave the doctors a hard time,” he laughs under his breath, shaking his head, “It’s not a surprise that even at birth he was a handful. But, the doctors weren’t able to pull him out and they had told us Jon’s survival was slim. And then we heard screaming and it was a beautiful sound, because he had made it, and that night we had deemed him our miracle baby.” 

His hand tenses in Ryan’s hold, and Ryan squeezes back, letting Luke know that he was there. “She died a couple days later, in the early morning. I was on my way to go see her, and I remember being so scared when I got there and saw nurses running in her room. They wouldn’t let me go in for hours until finally the same doctor who helped with Jon, and the person we referred to as our miracle helper, told me she had died. It didn’t sink in right away, because how could it? I had just seen her the night before, and the next day she was dead, just like that. They told me that Jon’s refusal to leave in the first few hours of labor had put a strain on her body and she lost a lot of blood because of it.” 

Luke huffs, breathing harsh as he blinks back tears, “For a brief second I hated Jon, for taking her away from me. But then they brought him out and he was crying and I-I just held him, crying and not knowing what to do, how I was going to care for a child by myself. But, I did it. I somehow raised Jon into a boy who’s so strong and who I’m so proud of. He’s turned out greater than I ever imagined, and I know it’s because he has her traits-her strong will and love for life.” 

He turns toward Ryan, then, eyes ignited with a fire Ryan can’t look away from, “And then I see you, someone who Jon can never stop talking about, because you’re his favorite person and I know that life has been terrible for you. That its been unfair and that you deserve better, because maybe we’ve only known each for a few months but I think you’re far from being a failure and pathetic. I think you’re wonderful and caring, and sometimes I just want to hold you and tell you what Jon’s mom used to tell me: life can be shit at times, and it feels like there’s no escape, or no happy end in sight, but life itself is a phenomenon people still can’t explain and yet we’re living, we’ve somehow beat the odds the universe has put against us and we’re here, experiencing hurt and pain, happiness, and the most astounding wonder of all, love. So I look at you and see that you’re defensive, and you won’t let me in, but I’m here telling you that you  _ are  _ someone special, and that you do mean something, to me and Jon, and we think you’re one of the most remarkable people we’ve ever met.”   

Ryan has cried many times in his life, for varying reasons that usually ended with his heart feeling hollow, but he’s never cried while feeling this before. And maybe he’s not entirely sure how love feels because he’s always been too scared of it, but he knows without a doubt that the heaviness in his chest is from all the tenderness he feels for the man in front of him. It’s easy to let go and fall after that, when he knows Luke is there to catch him. 

The man’s lips on Ryan’s own leaves him shaking. Luke kisses him delicately, holds his face with a soft grip, and when Luke picks him up, his hands grip his thighs as if he never wants to let go.

He can’t pay attention to the sensation of his back hitting a soft bed, not when Luke is immediately on him, trailing kisses down Ryan’s neck and leaving goosebumps to rise on his skin. He holds Luke between his legs, leaves indents from his nails on Luke’s back, and completely gives himself to the feeling of Luke’s love. It’s bewitching, the way he touches and caresses and grips Ryan. 

It’s not a soft kind of love, but a passionate one. The type that consumes someone, and Ryan is no exception. He feels himself falling victim to its spell, craving more, and so he holds on for dear life, letting the waging waters that is Luke’s devotion swallow him whole. 

**

The next few days are filled with sublime romance. Ryan spends nights at Luke’s, much to Jon’s delight, especially since Ryan helps cook dinner. He also helps Luke in reading Jon his bedtime story. Both will make funny noises and exaggerate the creatures voices in the story, and Jon falls asleep with a smile on his face, something Luke gazes at in wonder.  

And then when they’re alone, in the privacy of Luke’s room, Ryan gets to know what peace finally feels like. When Luke holds him close, wraps his arm around Ryan, almost as if shielding him, and it’s a feeling that tends to keep Ryan up at night. He’ll trail fingers down the arm anchoring him, marveling at how his life seems to be slowly coming together, after all these years. 

But then two weeks later, on a morning that Ryan makes a trip back to his apartment for more clothes, there’s a letter waiting for him. The envelope lays in front of the door, and Ryan frowns as he picks it up, immediately wishing he hadn’t. 

The bold words of  **OHM Enterprise** stare back at him, and he shakily enters the home that has never really felt like home, and lowers himself on the couch that doesn’t compare to the one he’s already gotten used to at Luke’s house. 

He’s not really sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t a letter from Luke, addressed to him about the company he’s been dreaming of working for. 

_ Ryan,  _

_ I know you said you’ve been wanting to work here for a while now, and I was able to pull a few strings to get you an interview. They’re willing to see you this Friday, and don’t worry, I only told them great things about you and they’re excited to meet you. You can thank me later after you’re hired and finally getting to do what you love!  _

_ Love, Luke :)  _

The rage that infulfs him is demanding, and he acts on impulse. He runs out, quickly gets back in his car, and heads straight for Luke’s work. He’s only been to the overly crowded place once, when Jon threw up complaining of an upset stomach and Ryan hadn’t known what medicines to give him or how to properly take care of him.

That was almost two months ago, but even still Ryan remembers enough to maneuver around. The lady at the front desk sees him approaching, and stands with a wide smile. Ryan’s patience is near gone now, and he doesn’t want to waste time talking to someone who looks as if they’d rather be anywhere else. 

“Hi! How can I help you?” 

“Where’s Luke.” He grits, huffing when the woman only furrows her eyebrows. “The guy with a huge beard and annoying smirk because he thinks he’s hot shit.” 

She must sense the waves of anger radiating off him, because she takes a slight step back. If Ryan weren’t as blinded by rage as he is now, he might feel bad.

“Uh, I think he’s in a meeting right now. But you’re more than welcome to sit and wait for him to get out.” 

He breathes softly through his nose, trying to calm down slightly so that she won’t be so frightened. “Can you please just tell me what room he’s in? I need to talk to him right now.” 

It takes a lot of persuading, until finally Ryan settles on a sob story that might make her help. He pretends trying to hold back tears, as he sniffs, “He-uh, he cheated on me with our babysitter and kicked me out. I just want my stuff back. I-I need my grandfather’s watch back, it’s the last thing he gave me,  _ please.  _ You have to help me.” 

Her eyes get watery with a mixture of both anger and sadness, and she cracks when he clamps a hand over his mouth, weakly sobbing. She gives Ryan the room number with a soft sigh and call of “leave his ass!” He thanks her with a miserable smile, before turning and nearly sprinting in the location she pointed at. 

Luke is very much in a meeting when he nears toward the door. There’s different voices on the other side, discussing future plans of the company, and maybe Ryan will feel embarrassed later in the day when he looks back. But right now he storms in, without a second thought. 

He easily spots Luke, sitting in the middle of the long table. One of the guys notices him right away, and looks him over with bewilderment, at most likely the clothes he’s wearing-the one’s Luke has deemed are his ‘stay-at-home dad outfit’. 

“Who are you?” Ryan doesn’t pay the guy any mind. He keeps his eyes trained on Luke who looks up at the question from his colleague. The look that overtakes his face would be amusing if Ryan didn’t want to currently slap it off. 

“Ryan?” Luke breathes, before standing up with a look of panic as he looks around at the other men still in the room. “What are you doing here?” 

“I need to talk to you, now.” 

“Is it Jon?” He asks, eyes widening with worry. Ryan has a moment of weakness, at the concerned expression, but quickly shakes it off. 

“No, he’s fine and still at daycare. This is about us.” 

“Luke,” One of the older looking guys speak up, giving the both of them an unimpressed look. “This isn’t the time for your personal life.” 

“Well I’m making it the time.” Ryan cuts in, crossing his arms and glaring when the man goes to open his mouth. 

“We’ll just be a minute.” Luke mutters before anyone else can join in, and quickly walks around the table, pulling Ryan with him as they exit the room. 

They walk in silence as Luke leads them back outside, away from the watchful eyes of others. As soon as Ryan feels the rays of the sun hit his back Luke turns on him, face scrunched up with both anger and concern. 

“Ryan what are you doing here? You can’t just show up to my job and talk to my boss like that!” 

He digs in his pocket for the letter he balled up, and fishes it out for Luke to see. 

“What is this?” 

Luke visibly pauses when his eyes lock onto his own handwriting, and he sighs, body deflating. 

“I was going to tell you about it, but I thought you’d enjoy the surprise more.” 

“I don’t enjoy any of it!” he yells, waving around the white paper, “I don’t need your help with getting a job! I’m going to get an interview there myself, and  _ I’m  _ going to succeed on my own!” 

“Ryan what are you talking about? I-it’s hard to get an interview there, you know that as well as I do. I just wanted to help you at least get your foot in the door.” 

He breathes harshly, angry and frustrated and hurt. “I don’t want your help! Or anyone’s help. I’ve been doing everything on my own for years and you’re not going to change that. It’s my life and I’m saying back  _ off.”  _

Luke stares at him wordlessly and Ryan hates it. Hates how he wants to sag in defeat and let the man hold him. And he hates how Luke still looks at him with something Ryan doesn’t deserve because he pushes and pushes but Luke stays, pushing back. 

Ryan feels the fight start to leave his body but he refuses to give in, and takes a step back when Luke walks forward. He can’t get very far though, when Luke reaches out and clamps down on his shoulders, holding him in place. He wants to thrash, mimic that of a scared animal. But he can’t when Luke slides his hands up, and cups his face in a gentle hold. 

“Ryan,” he breathes, leaning closer and closer until he’s able to nose at Ryan’s cheeks. He places a lingering kiss on Ryan’s jaw and his knees shake, begging to melt into the ground below him, pleading to just give up. “I care about you, sometimes more than I think I should. But I care and sometimes so much so that it scares me.” His fingers burn a trail down Ryan’s arms, before they find their home in his hands and he shakily breathes out, as Luke keeps close to his face, eyes open and earnest. “I get angry at your past and all the hurt that’s come with it. And I know you think I’m going to leave like everyone else, but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere and I want to help. I want to help with everything, until your days are filled with light and you’re smiling and happy. Until old memories can’t hurt you anymore. Just-let me help you, Ryan. Let me take care of you.” 

He remembers a time where there was nothing but darkness. He had thought that’s all there was, and that he deserved it, for whatever reason life deemed was his problem to carry alone. For as long as he can remember there was no one else but him. But maybe he’s been holding onto that for so long he’s become blind to the people who are here, unwavering. Tyler was the first person he could call a friend, and in return Tyler has shown him what it’s like to have someone stand in his corner and cheer him on. And then he met Scotty, the man with his loud laughs and friendly smile. He always invites Ryan over, and he always declines, afraid he’ll be a bother to the nice man and his family. Luke and Jon were a force he wasn’t ready to take on, with the love they wrapped around his trembling body, and how they saw something in him he has yet to see himself.

And so maybe it is about time he let go, because he has all these people standing behind him ready to lessen the blow of his fall. It’s a terrifying thought, and he can’t help the voice that speaks from the shadows, asking _ what if they leave?  _ But it’s also easy to silence it, when Luke looks at him the way he does now. His open stare that’s vulnerable, trying to show Ryan that he means what he says and Ryan wants all of that. Wants to be happy and wake up every morning enjoying life. He wants the life he’s always dreamed of, and if Luke wants that too, for him, and with him, how can he do anything but say yes? 

“Okay,” he whispers, his own eyes searching Luke’s, for any sort of lie or deceit. There’s none, of course. “Okay.” He repeats, voice no longer shaking with doubts. 

And it’s worth it all, when Luke smiles at him like that. “Yeah?”

Ryan nods, his heart lifting at the ecstatic expression that dusts over Luke’s face, “Yeah. Guess it’s about time I let someone else deal with my difficult ass.” 

Luke laughs, the sound a beautiful melody to Ryan’s ears. And when they kiss it’s like an orchestra of harmonizing music, a room full of instruments playing in sync with their beating hearts, and soft sighs of serenity that escape past their lips. 

When they pull back Luke’s smile covers half his face, but Ryan knows his does the same. 

“What do you say we go pick up Jon and spend the day together?” Ryan frowns, pulling back further to get a good look at Luke. 

“You’re still working though. You can’t just leave.” Luke only shakes his head, wraps his arms tighter around Ryan’s body. 

“They can finish the meeting without me, because right now I’m craving ice cream and sitting somewhere in a park. Sound good?” 

Ryan huffs a laugh, the amount of love he feels for the man before him nearly overbearing. But a sensation he promises to always carry around, tucked safely in the pocket of his heart he thought forever gone. Slowly it mends itself, and he knows Luke’s love for him, and Ryan’s own love for Luke, will treat it back to health, for however long it takes. 

“Sounds perfect.” He smiles, following after the man that leads the way. And he’s Ryan’s own beacon of light for whenever he wanders off or gets lost in a sea of troublesome waters. But he knows, now, that he’s Luke’s compass. And together they’re each other’s way back home. 

**Author's Note:**

> This might be the longest one-shot I've ever written but it was fun to write! Also delirious as cartoonz' kid? Who else agrees that's an adorable image? Me? Okay cool. 
> 
> Hopefully it didn't drag on and it was enjoyable! :)


End file.
